Suffering Is Optional (Even When It Feels Mandatory)

Some days, it feels like feeling bad is just part of the job description.

You’re the one holding it all together. The fixer. The one who absorbs the stress, the silence, the sharp words, the late-night spirals and still gets up in the morning like nothing cracked.

So when something hard happens, of course you feel bad. That’s normal. But… what if you didn’t have to stay there?

What if the part of you that needs to feel bad – to prove you care, to punish yourself, to do it “right” – isn’t actually helping?

I know. It sounds blasphemous.

Especially if you grew up learning that guilt is responsible. That pain is noble. That suffering means you’re a good person.

But there’s a quiet little truth that’s been floating around my soul lately, and maybe yours too:

Suffering is optional.

It doesn’t always feel that way – but just for a few minutes, can we play with that idea?

Why Do I Feel Like I Have to Feel Bad?

This tapping video by Brad Yates put words to something I’ve carried for years: the belief that I need to feel bad in order to be okay.

• To be seen.
• To be safe.
• To be loved.
• To not make things worse.
• To prove I care.

Whether it’s anger, shame, guilt, or just a low-grade ache that says “you don’t get to feel better yet” – it’s easy to cling to those feelings like armor. Like rules. Like you’re not allowed to let them go.

But… who made the rulebook?

Where’s the chart that says:

• Cry for 3 days if your kid says something cruel
• 2 weeks of guilt for forgetting that appointment
• 6 months of heaviness for that broken relationship

There isn’t one.

And still, we hold on, as if feeling bad is the only proof we loved hard enough.

You’re Allowed to Feel Good Again

Here’s the permission slip I didn’t know I needed:

“Pain happens, but suffering is optional.”
– Brad Yates

That hit me. Right in the gut.

Because sometimes I forget I can stop suffering. That I’m allowed to shift, even if the world around me hasn’t. That healing doesn’t mean I’m abandoning anyone. It just means I’m coming home to myself.

Brad’s video is like a soul reset, especially if you’re carrying emotions that feel stuck in your bones. Guilt. Anger. Shame. The belief that you should still be hurting.

It’s not about bypassing. It’s not about pretending. It’s about realizing:

You can love fiercely and still release the pain.
You can care deeply and still choose peace.
You can feel the grief and still let the suffering go.

Try This: Tapping for Emotional Pain + Guilt

If you’ve never tried EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), this is the gentlest start. You don’t need to “believe in it.” Just be willing to tap along and breathe.

You don’t have to understand all the points. You don’t have to do it perfectly.

Just show up as you are. Tap. Breathe. Maybe cry a little. Let some of that heaviness move.

Because your pain is valid. But your peace is valid, too.

Final Note (From Someone Who’s Been There)

If you’ve been feeling bad on purpose, like you owe it to the world, you’re not broken. You’re just human. You learned that somewhere. And maybe now… you’re ready to unlearn it.

Not all at once. Not perfectly.

But just enough to feel your breath again. To feel your heartbeat without guilt. To whisper, “Maybe I don’t need to feel bad anymore.”

Even if the world thinks you should.

Even if you’re still in the thick of it.

Even if nothing’s fixed yet.

Because you are not the bad thing.

You are the light underneath it.

And you’re allowed to feel good again.