In my other blog, which I have long since closed down due to my frequent negative focus, I had very frequently lamented how hard it was to keep my alignment amidst the contrast of my day to day life. To give a very short synopsis of the contrast, Hubby has chronic severe depression which appeared in full force about 5 years ago.

Life is providing me many opportunities to practice where I am choosing to focus and, I must say, I am doing pretty damn good the vast majority of the time. Yes, there are times when I get out of my feel good place, but I recognize that is not where I want to be, and do something about it.

Hubby always has music playing in his head. I don’t understand it, but if I ask him what’s playing, he always has an answer. Typically is something topical to the time of year, something he has recently heard, or something related to a memory.

Yesterday, he was fervently searching for something on his computer and then started playing a song, which he made a point of saying was just for me. Out of the blue. Billy Joel usually isn’t part of his typical listening so I was a bit surprised as it wasn’t somethig that either of us had been listening to.

What a wonderful gift it was for me. Sometimes, I wonder if I make a difference. I feel like I can’t make a difference in his suffering, at all. The words of this song told me that how I focus does make a difference to him, even if I doubt it at times.

She waits for me at night
She waits for me in silence
She gives me all her tenderness
and takes away my pain

And so far she hasn’t run
though I swear she’s had her moments
She still believes in miracles
while others cry in vain

It’s all about soul
It’s all about faith and a deeper devotion
It’s all about soul
‘Cause under the love is a stronger emotion
She’s got to be strong
‘Cause so many things getting out of control
Should drive her away, so why does she stay?
It’s all about soul

She turns to me sometimes
and she asks me what I’m dreaming
And I realize I must have gone a million miles away
And I ask her how she knew to reach out for me at that moment
And she smiles because it’s understood there are no words to say

It’s all about soul
It’s all about knowing what someone is feeling
The woman’s got soul
The power of love and the power of healing
This life isn’t fair
It’s gonna get dark, it’s gonna get cold
You’ve got to get tough, but that ain’t enough
It’s all about soul

It meant so much to be acknowledged like this. It definitely was from the heart as he came over sniffling after the song ended. He felt and meant what the song was saying. My staying aligned makes a difference to all of us. Definitely something I am going to focus on even more in the coming year.