My journey to finding my connection.
In a household like mine, worry pretty much is a continual companion of mine. Worrying about all the things that I have no control over. This video from Tara Brach offers a way to help calm the worry.
It has been forever since I made a post here. Needless to say, discovering peace was not what I was doing and I was getting sucked into emotional places I didn’t want to go.
I’ve learned that every day has the possibility of pulling you off into the bushes and beating the crap out of you, if you let it. For quite a while there, that is were I miserably ended up on a daily basis.
So, since my last post, WAY back in July of last year I’ve lived(?) through:
– Tons of mental health issues including family coming off medications that seemed to be helping but didn’t realize it until they were gone.
– A child coming out as transgender and starting hormone replacement therapy (which ended up increasing mental health issues in other family members).
– Massive downsizing of our small business.
– …
Well, that isn’t productive. I know I could go on and on listing out stuff but, ya know, what is/was was just an indication of my previous momentum. I lived in “I can’t do anything to make this situation better!” as my stress and fears were due to what was going on within my family.
It’s funny how the more stressed I was, less likely I would do what I needed to to feel better. My daily listening to Abraham-Hicks dropped to no listening. They were so not in my vibrational range and listening just pissed me off. I dropped into a very dark, “woe is me”, “my life sucks” self pity hole.
Today I came across an exceptional video that talked to where I was. I had to sign up to view it, but captured it to show you it here. I HIGHLY recommend signing up so you get the future videos in this series. Tara Brach is amazing. You can sign up on the National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine website.
Facing Fear
I didn’t realize it, but I spent so much of my days living in wait of the potential troubles happening. Needless to say, it wasn’t a very pleasant stretch of time for me. I felt tired, stressed and burned out all the time. I recognized that fact and I wanted to feel better with out asking anyone else to change. I wanted to find my level even though the seas would occasionally be rough. So, I decided to refocus on me, and what I wanted and needed.
I had been a pretty haphazard in meditating and never did it when it would have been most helpful. So, I added that to my habit tracker and said I would meditate every day. I’m not managing that goal yet, but am getting pretty close. I am taking time out of day to day happenings to focus on something that will make me feel better and more centered.
I also realized that with the stress of my life, came the pounds. I used to be an emotional eater. I’ve stopped that now. I am tracking what I eat and exercise just about every day. I found things that felt good doing (ddpyoga) and I am committed to making myself feel better from the inside out.
Oh, and I am back to listening to Abraham on a daily basis again. It feels good to feel better. I think this lifestyle is a keeper. 🙂
So, this blog has been woefully quiet for the last year. 2013 was a pretty contrast-full year and I really didn’t want to try and sound more positive than I was feeling. And I also had Abraham’s voice in my head asking if I REALLY wanted more of what I was already feeling. Ummm… no thank you, so zipped-lipped I stayed. 😀
2014 doesn’t look like it will be any less contrast-filled, so I’ve decided that the only thing I can do (and ever could have done in the first place) is work on how I am feeling. I really want to work on staying in the NOW instead of focusing on the where I want to be and where I want everyone else to be (HA! As if I have any control over that!)
So, the one thing I know I can do is meditate. I want to feel in control of where my thoughts and subsequent emotions are flowing. 2013 had me flowing ALL over the place and it wasn’t very pleasant, to say the least. I’m aiming for a more positively focused 2014 and I am starting right now.
I’ve had an app on my phone for a long time, but haven’t really used it. It’s said that it takes about 30 days for a habit to cement in, so I am going to use that app for 30 days to make meditation a cornerstone for my plan on feeling better no matter the contrast.
Insight Timer (available on Droid phones and IPhones)
I like the fact that you can do silent meditations or utilize the guided meditations. 🙂
So, here’s to a good start in 2014! Happy New Year everyone!
Peace, to me, means a place where I can feel the calm a midst the raging seas. The place within me that is filled with love without a drop of worry about anything or for anyone. A feeling that everything is exactly as it should be and that everything will be okay, even if I can’t see how that will happen.
I’ve been dabbling, inconsistently, with various ways to find my peace over several years. For me, it takes a lot of intentional practice to be in a steady state of peace. Once I reach a comfortable level of peace, I relax my practice and don’t notice the slow slide back down to dis-ease until it feels dramatically bad.
As I am getting older, my patience with this process is waning dramatically. I want peace in my life NOW and want it to stay. The one thing I have learned so far, on this journey, is that my peace has to come from within me. I can’t want outside circumstances to conform to my definition of what peace is. Well, I can want that, but trying to change what or how anyone else is, is a recipe for failure on my peace front. I need to allow my peace, no matter what is going on around me. It can be done. I’ve done it before. And I will do it again.
Meditation, exercise, eft and being outside in nature help me into to a peaceful place. I just need to get more into a habit of doing these things. The month of December, I am really going to make the effort with the meditation and the exercise. I tap (EFT) when I remember and it does make a pretty immediate difference in my level of agitation. I may try nature too, depending on how nice winter is here this year. Me and cold don’t get along very well. 🙂
This is all a journey. I know that it may take a while to cultivate a consistent peaceful mentality. I also know that life will challenge me on a regular basis. It is my ability to return to my peaceful loving understanding of the bigger picture that I am eagerly looking forward to.